Finch: "A witty saying proves nothing," -Voltaire.
Stifler: "Suck my dick!" -Ron Jeremy.

Stifler: Are you saying I'm impolite or something?
Jim: "Impolite" would be an improvement.

Fuckface! What part of "this sucks my colon" do you not under-fucking-stand?!
Stifler

Finch: Grandmotherfucker.
Stifler: You're a motherfucker.
Finch: [smiling] Yes, I am!

Happy "Fuck Day," Ass Mouth.
Stifler

Hey, I'm gonna give you a little piece of advice: love life, get paid, then get laid. That is the basic philosophy of... The Finch-meister!
Finch

Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand? [Hits Finch in the groin] Bangkok.
Stifler

Michelle: How did a little perv like you turn into such a great guy?
Jim: How did a little nympho like you turn into such a great girl?
Michelle: I'm still a nympho.
Jim: Well, I'm still a perv.

If you'll excuse me, I have some shit to attend to.
Stifler

I'm gonna be like, "You like this shit, Momma?" And then she'll be like, "Fuckin' right, doggie. Suck on my nipples like, like you're milkin' a cow."
Stifler

It's on like Donkey Kong, biotch.
Stifler

It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-fucker. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and rock out with my cock out.
Stifler

Jim, I had trouble finding the words to tell you how I feel. And I realized something. Love isn't just a feeling. Love is something you do. It's a dress, a visit to band camp, a special haircut. Jim, you've given me everything I ever wanted, and it is my solemn vow to give everything I am to you.
Michelle

Jim's getting married, isn't he? Holy fuckin' shit! This is major! Do you have the slightest idea of how important this is? We get to have a bachelor party. Yes! We celebrate the death of Jim with a party in his honor. Chicks and boobs. Tits and ass. Titties, ta-tas, casabas, bazoongas all up in our friggin' faces! Come on, buck up, fellas. Show some enthusiasm. It's gonna be fuckin' great. Oh, my god!
Stifler

Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.
Michelle: Oh, Jim, you gotta stop masturbating; it's melting your brain.