Ellen DeGeneres Quotes ( Page 1 )
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Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic was bad." "Traffic?...Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; a helicopter!?"
For me, it's that I contributed, that I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's, to me, the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.
I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'
I figure love is a two-way street. If you love something it must love you back.
I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time which is odd because I have the time to go out to dinner and watch TV and get a bone density test and try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
If we don't want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we're stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions, by what we do.
I'm a godmother. That's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short. That's cute. I taught her that.
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing. Chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it too.
Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong. Normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas.
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.1 2
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